sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
