first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
