You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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