Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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