Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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