Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
