I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
