ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
