Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Randomize