So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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