My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
