who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
