Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
