Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
