I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
