I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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