new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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