It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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