MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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