why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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