my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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