i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Randomize
