So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
