Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
