So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
