just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
