Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
