There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
this will be a night to untag.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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