before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
