Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize