he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
