I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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