She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
