Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
