she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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