I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
