Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
