I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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