the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize