Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
