its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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