just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
