you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
