all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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