I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
