Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Congratulations! We have a period
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
