You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
