Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
