we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
