I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
