At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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