Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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