first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
