Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
