i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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