let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
