So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
