My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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