True but thats because hes a fetus.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
