and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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