Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
