So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
