Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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