Ambien. No doubt about it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
