ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
