This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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