Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Boobs are out for the taking
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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