the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
