everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
