i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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