Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
