i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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