Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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