hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
