I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
