maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
