Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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